Scornfully Yours (Torn Series) Read online

  SCORNFULLY YOURS

  (TORN SERIES)

  Copyright © 2013 by Pamela Ann

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without a written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

  Ami Johnson

  Editor

  “All the diversity, all the charm, and all the beauty of life are made up of light and shade.”

  ― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

  Prologue

  It’s official! I fell hopelessly in love with Carter after a couple of months of dating him.

  It isn’t easy to come to terms with this realization knowing with full certainty that Carter Mason will not like this very fact. He’ll most likely just drop me like a hot potato the moment he knows.

  In the very beginning, he was quite clear about emphasizing his feelings on love and relationships. “I don’t do any of the hearts and butterflies shit, Em. I don’t do love the happily ever after shit either.”

  Yep, that’s how what he said, but still, I went ahead and jumped in bed with him with what little armor I could muster.

  What woman would fall for a playboy who loathes the idea of love? I sure wasn’t going to. Or so I thought.

  Carter is our university star forward player on our soccer team. He’s only a junior and still has another year to graduate but scouts from professional teams all over the world have come to watch him play. They say he’s the next ‘big thing’. He’s that good!

  Carter’s tall, dark, and handsome with thick killer thighs and the nicest bottom you’ll ever see. Not to mention the fact that he’s a dynamite between the sheets and the sweetest (if he’s in the mood) boyfriend. Everyone adores Carter and when he wanted to date me, there was no chance in the universe to even consider saying no.

  Lindsey, his sister and my roommate, was over the moon when we started dating. Although, I didn’t mention what her brother’s ‘terms’ were in the relationship. I’m a bit sure that if she knew, she wouldn’t think it was ‘love at first sight’ and more of ‘lust at first glance’.

  In the beginning, his rules were great, perfect even.

  I mean, I couldn’t have agreed more to them.

  Who would want to be tied down with a serious relationship when you’re in college anyway? I certainly didn’t.

  I’ve seen many women who would drop classes or quit a semester because they were too hurt and too heartbroken to come to school. I certainly didn’t want to become one of those, so Carter’s thing made sense.

  It did, until I fell in love with him.

  And now, I’m not too sure anymore.

  Who Ever Loved That Loved Not at First Sight?

  It lies not in our power to love or hate,

  For will in us is overruled by fate.

  When two are stripped, long ere the course begin,

  We wish that one should love, the other win;

  And one especially do we affect

  Of two gold ingots, like in each respect:

  The reason no man knows; let it suffice

  What we behold is censured by our eyes.

  Where both deliberate, the love is slight:

  Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight?

  Christopher Marlowe

  “Love is not a force between a mind and a body, but a force between two hearts. Your mind and eyes will never tell you when you feel true love, for only your heart can receive the true love that another heart sends directly to it.”

  -Dr. Laurence J. Peter

  1

  My phone vibrated and I fished it out of my purse.

  Carter: Baby, want to meet me for lunch?

  Crap, this is not good since I haven’t decided what I was going to do about him yet.

  Me: Sorry, can’t do. I have school stuff to do.

  It was a half lie, technically. But what was I to do? I’m still coming to terms with what I feel for him and certainly seeing him without me freaking out was out of the question.

  My Human Sexuality class ended with a yawn. My teacher, Mrs. Crowley, was a total bore and to think I was ecstatic to enroll to this class. What a laugh!

  I was surprised to see Lindsey was outside waiting for me when I got out of class. “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Let’s do lunch then I’ll tell you all about it!” her pretty pink glossed lips pouted. I love Lindsey to pieces but she could be so emotional sometimes.

  “Oh okay, I’m starving anyway. What do you feel like having?”

  “Tacos and margaritas!” she exclaimed.

  We ended up at Los Agaves and ordered our usual. Lindsey was busy on her phone. She had waited on me outside of class before, twice actually. And both times were quite interesting. It’s her thing and I’m her 911 emergency person. Which is why I’m wondering what’s taking her awhile to speak up?

  Lindsey Mason’s not your average chick. She’s a straight forward no-nonsense kind of gal. She’s quite smart, like MENSA kind of smart. We immediately got along when we became roommates and are best friends. She’s a sexy brunette and adores her brother more than anything. Carter and Lindsey’s parents died of a car crash seven years ago. Their aunt and uncle adopted them. I know she’s close to them but Carter doesn’t speak much about them at all. He rarely ever opens up. Well, in fact, he never did.

  My relationship with Carter was mostly based on well, sex and not much in between it. And my, the sex….it’s scorching hot and sooo good! Thinking about it just makes me blush.

  Lindsey pushed her phone aside and clasped her hands on the table. Trying to look serious, but failing because her eyes were twinkling with enthusiasm. With a big grin she spoke, “Brody wants to date me.”

  Brody Thompson was Carter’s best bud—and quite a sweetheart—a smoking hot sweetheart to boot.

  “…and?” I dragged out my question, my excitement from her announcement evident on my face.

  I knew it! I even teased her about it before. I saw how Brody’s been checking her out but she always played it off like I was imagining things.

  “And I’m thinking of saying no?” Linds bit her full bottom lip, brushed a lock of hair and tucked it behind her ear.

  Okay, I didn’t expect her to say ‘no’.

  “Um—why not Brody? I can’t think of a reason why you wouldn’t want to date him. He’s nice…and cute!”

  Lindsey leaned back and huffed. “Why not Brody? Okay, let me break this down for you. First, he’s my brother’s best friend. Second, we grew up together and I was friends with some of his ex’s. Third, Brody’s just not my type.”

  Not her type? Was she crazy?

  “He is so your type Linds! Admit it–you don’t have to be all coy.” She was interrupted from responding when our waiter delivered our food. I took a lengthy sip of my refreshing strawberry margarita, letting my words sink in as I gave my friend a simpering smile.

  “Fine, I was lying. I think Brody’s hot but he and I aren’t happening. I know you’re wondering why, but we just aren’t okay? I just wanted you to know because I might be skipping a few parties with you guys.” That’s odd. So what if she’s turning him down, Brody’s not going to be a sore loser, was he?

  “That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?” I took a big bite of my chicken taco and my tummy did a little happy meringue
dance. God, I am starving!

  She merely shrugged. “It is what it is, doll.” Lindsey wiped off a little sauce from the side of her lips with the white linen napkin and focused on me. “How are things between you and Carter? Still going strong? We’re almost like sisters if you think about it.” I coughed at her sentiment, seriously?

  “It’s not like that about Carter and me. In fact, that’s far from what we are. Truth be told, it’s like having an exclusive bootie call with a dash of party scene involved.” I bravely admitted what the true nature of my relationship with her brother.

  It sucks to blurt the truth out, but no more hiding from it. It was black and white with no gray in between.

  Lindsey finished her margarita and grabbed mine. That was quick, guess she must really need the cool alcoholic refreshment.

  She held the stem of the glass and spoke with disdain. “Fucking Carter! I don’t get why he’s so afraid of commitment. I just want him to be happy. He can be great with women but he’s a complete shit to them. Are you happy with him, Em? I mean—with this cold technical arrangement?” She asked as she annihilated my drink.

  GAH!

  I was, but not anymore. I love Carter but shit would hit the fan if he knew. Carter’s known to bounce out of a relationship for less. Ask the long line of broken hearted females who made that very daunting mistake.

  “I am…I mean I was but, I’m not too sure anymore. Carter’s a great guy, Linds but I don’t think I want to be that girl anymore.” I’ve always been a free spirit–I didn’t have a care in the world–I just wanted to have a good time. But now, things have changed and I want more out of my life.

  Lindsey caught the waiter’s attention and ordered two more drinks. Hmmm…why the need to get wasted during lunch time, girlfriend? She never used to have more than one in the middle of the day.

  “I support you in whatever decision you choose. But to be honest, if my brother can’t give you his all, why the heck would you want to stay, you know?” I nodded.

  Good point. Yep, why should I stay?

  Let’s see, because you’ll go mad and gaga without him? You’ve been living and breathing the scent of the very sexy Carter Mason for the last three months, how do you figure to survive without his ambrosial enticement?

  Fuck! Fuck! Can I really do it? It would go down in history, surely. I would be the first female to dump the hot jerk. Hot—but a jerk all the same!

  Carter’s not my first love. I’ve been in love before. His name was Lewis Grand and he was my high school sweetheart. It was cute and sweet, a total opposite to what I have with Carter. Lewis was accepted to Harvard to study medicine, but before college he planned to take a year or two to work with the underprivileged in Africa. Lewis was a great guy but we both agreed that a long distance relationship wouldn’t work for us. I was devastated and so lonely when we broke up–we were together for four years and I wasn’t sure how to be single. The summer before college I became depressed–it was a dark, debilitating depression that kept me secluded from the world. In my moment of darkness, I realized that I wasn’t mourning my relationship with Lewis, but the end of something that was sweet and comforting and familiar. By the time I started college, I was slowly pulling myself from the darkness and I knew that I was ready to try to start living–to be happy again.

  Lindsey talked me to attend my first college party–I was weary about going, but I wanted to try and live. That’s where I met Carter. When I was with him, I slowly pulled out of my funk. Dating him became a perfect solution to my loneliness–I didn’t need another serious relationship I just wanted something fun and jumping into bed with him seemed like the perfect thing to do. Carter was great—and hot damn the sex! He takes me places that I didn’t know existed. Lewis was good but compared to Carter, he was mellow and tame. But now my “perfect idea” has just become a perplexing quandary.

  After lunch, Linds had to get back to school for her class and left with a lot of unanswered questions from me. I wanted to know what was going on in that pretty little dark head of hers—but at times, she could be very closed off much like her brother. Like the good friend that I am, I didn’t want to push the issue and pressure her into answers, knowing quite well enough that she was conflicted as it is. I know that when she’s ready she will tell me.

  I was free for the rest of the day, so I decided to hit the beach and try to figure out my head.

  It was a warm glorious September afternoon and the beach looked heavenly. Santa Barbara was a nice little charming town that has a rustic Spanish feel to it. I have good memories in this town from trips with my family and friends growing up. That’s why UCSB was my first choice when I applied for college. It was close to home and at the same time, it gave me enough space to find myself and what I really wanted to do with my life. I grew up in Ojai, a mere forty-minute drive from here. My parents didn’t argue much when I decided to study nearby. I think they were more relieved that I didn’t plan to tag along with Lewis in Boston. My mom and dad adored Lewis, but they wanted their baby girl to stay close to home more than anything.

  I swiftly parked my car and opened my trunk to fetch a beach towel–living around here, having a beach towel and extra clothes are mandatory. With my purse and towel tucked under my arm, I trotted towards the shore and found a spot to lay out. Somewhere not too close to the buzz of people, but somewhere not too far either because my imagination tends to run wild–I fear getting stabbed to death or being kidnapped. Weird really, but I blame it on watching too many Bones and True Blood episodes.

  I sighed and lied on the beach towel. The sun greeted my face and I basked in its delightful warmth. I love the beach–it was the perfect escape from life. Right now I wished that life was as easy as being here with the peaceful waves and the warm sand. I just wished I could find the answer of what to do with Carter here.

  It was a good thing I was wearing a faded denim skirt and a fitted cotton sleeveless shirt. The sun’s rays were beaming down in a cloudless sky and I wanted to consume as much sun as I could before fall rolled in. My tan makes my cornflower blue eyes more noticeable and I think that I look much better being tanned. As much as I loved being tanned though, I would never get an artificial one from a tanning bed. I’ve got nothing against people who use them–some of them; however, go overboard and manage to look like an orange oompa loompa. I would sooo not look good as an oompa loompa so I’ll stick to the real thing. I guess seeing those types made me weary about artificial tanning and not to mention the tanning beds and the cancer that went along with it.

  I sighed and lied on the beach towel. The sun greeted my face and I basked in its delightful warmth. I love the beach–it always makes me happy even when my life feels overwhelming–all my problems wash away with the ebb and flow of the ocean. I just wish life would always be this easy.

  My ringing phone brought me out of my reverie. Grabbing it, I checked who the caller was.

  Carter.

  Clearing my throat, I answered it. “Hey”

  “Hey. I just saw Lindsey and she said you two had lunch? Why wasn’t I invited? I would have loved to dine with my two favorite girls.” He drawled and I couldn’t hold back rolling my eyes.

  I’m your favorite girl, for now. I wanted to voice out but held my tongue.

  “Yeah, she wanted to have some girl time. What’s up, Carter?” I wanted to sound bored and irritated, but my voice ended up sounding breathy.

  “Just wondering what you’re up to ‘coz I’m free for the rest of the afternoon. Feel like coming over to chill a bit?” His voice deepened when he said ‘coming over’. It’s basically his come-hither term for ‘let’s fuck.’

  “Um, I don’t know about that Carter.” I whispered. Sex would be a very bad idea. It would be like piling more shit on top of enormous pile of doo-doo.

  I wanted to kick myself (if I could) for falling for the man. I mean—come on, Emma! I scolded myself.

  Where the hell was your brain, huh?

  It was probably
somewhat brain dead and blown out of proportion from mind-numbing orgasms.

  As much as I loved Lewis when we were together, I always wondered what it would be like to be with someone wild and unrestricted–someone without limits or boundaries and hadn’t much care in world or cared what others thought. Carter fit the bill and I was sucked into his world the moment our eyes clashed. I was screwed—in more ways than one. Literally.

  He grunted on the other end, frustrated.

  “I haven’t seen you in two days, Em. TWO DAYS. This is the longest I haven’t seen you.” Carter started to sound adamant and irritated.

  I guess two days without sex can really make a man grumpy?

  “I’ve been…busy,” I said hesitantly, but he wasn’t buying the crap I was spewing.

  “Busy? You’ve been busy? Get real, Em. We both know you haven’t been busy. Why don’t you come over? Maybe it’s high time we talk.”

  And here it is….

  Doomsday is here.

  I waited a beat or two before I replied, “I’ll see you in an hour.” Yeah, an hour would be enough time to come up with some kind of a plan and recharge my battery–probably. This might be the most difficult task I’ve ever done in a long time.

  “In an hour and not a second longer, got it? If you keep hiding away from me, I will scour the entire campus to look for you.” He was heated. Carter was angry and his underlying threat was quite clear. My time was up and it’s time to face the music and dance.

  “Got it,” I responded and quickly ended the call.

  I knew Carter had a mean temper. He wants to see me pronto and I needed to show up; I didn’t doubt for a second that he wouldn’t follow through with his threat.

  He was notorious for his bar fights and his road rage. One time we were stopped at a stoplight and when the light turned green the driver in front of us didn’t move because he was too caught up in his phone conversation. Carter didn’t even blink twice before he got out of his SUV, cussed the guy out and managed to make him look so frightened, he was almost on the verge of tears.